By Lydia Sellers
I thought, “Lord, if your Word is true, why can’t I see the evidence of it in my life?” I’m a pastor’s daughter . . . and I’ve had doubts. Honestly, it’s been a long time since I’ve really accepted the Word of God. The tiniest bits of confusion and doubt have plagued my thoughts. I’ve been skeptical and cynical. Skeptical of the church, of God, and people. Of course, I would never be openly skeptical about these things. And truth is, I’ve denied myself the right to be honest about my feelings because I’ve been trying to have “faith” despite my scarred heart’s actual condition. There were areas in my life where I needed God to come through, but it seemed like He never did.
Just because I can’t see God fighting on my behalf, doesn’t mean Exodus 14:14 isn’t still true: “The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” – NLT
God may not operate the way we want Him to, but He is still God and He is still good.
He can restore our innocence. I mean, if a pastor’s daughter can have doubts, then anybody can. No one starts out perfectly faithful; it’s a process. If you don’t let the doubt out, it will just stay with you. Eventually, the worries and fears about following Christ just become part of you. You cope with them and organize your life around them. To quote Pirates of the Caribbean, “Part of the crew, part of the ship.”
So, the key here is to make sure you don’t isolate yourself! Ask your questions. Don’t be ashamed of your thoughts. No matter how dirty and downright doubtful you are, choose to expose it. Do this, and you will recover.